Ménage à Trois

A man's guide to sexual enlightenment

Threesome Picture

The 'ménage à trois'. For most men this term represents a dream more elusive than finding the Sasquatch or finding a 12 inch penis in your pants. When it comes to a night of threeway lovin', it seems that most men would rather spend their time searching porno websites rather than searching their natural surroundings. However, we should not blame these men; rather we should blame contemporary society. Western ideals suggest that polygamy is rather 'immoral' and man is supposed to be with one woman and one woman only.

However, in actuality we, like all other creatures of this vast and diverse planet, are sexual beings. Why do you think the lion is called the King of the Jungle? If you believe it is because he is loyal to one and only one she-lion you are irrevocably wrong. The reason why the lion is called the King of the Jungle is because he is so bad-ass that he can bang any lion, baboon, giraffe or zebra he wants. And in most cases he slaps skins with more than one species at once.he is that bad ass. King of the Jungle my friends.

Why should we as humans limit ourselves to one fine lady? Women may call me a chauvinist, but I don't care because I had sex with two girls at the same time. With my help I intend to show all the fellas the proper way to get with not only a lady, but with her friend, cousin, teammate or even mother. So without further adieu, I present: A man's guide to sexual enlightenment.

1. Location -- Gentlemen and / or ladies, this is crucial. Ultimately, some places will have a greater degree of success than others. If you think you are clever by setting up shop at a nunnery or a feminist convention because there are 'tons of chicks', you're not. The best to place for a stakeout are those wonderful utopias I like to call college towns. It's in these wonderlands that you will find an abundance of young, experimental, sexually-pent up women. So class yourself up, head out to the town's local watering hole and most importantly follow the rest of these guidelines.

2. Game Time -- This may be the most vital objective of the night. A man's 'game' is usually the determining factor for whether one enjoys a steamy night of pluggin' or a normal night of spanking it and passing out. My method of choice is what some of my associates like to call the "Lazy Game". The Lazy Game is more a state of mind rather than a series of stupid pick up lines. A man using the Lazy Game will walk into a bar and act as though he doesn't give a fuck about anything. Does he talk to ladies? No, because he don't give a fuck. Does he dance? No, because he don't give a fuck. Does he buy women drinks? No because.well I'm sure you can figure out the rest. The point is you must act as though sex doesn't interest you in the least. All women know that sex is forever imprinted on our weak and feeble minds, and by that simple biological function it gives them the upper hand. However, if you can convey the idea that you 'don't give a fuck', you become the object of sexual power and the ladies will flock to you like rednecks flock to NASCAR.

3. Sacrifice -- Ok, now time for a reality check. Just because you use the Lazy Game doesn't guarantee that you are going to score with two gorgeous sex kittens. Unless you are Wilt Chamberlain himself, you may have to lower your standards. Lets face it you're not Superman, or even Clark Kent for that matter. Most groups of women usually have one friend who is unfortunately not as attractive as her companions; and oddly enough it is usually this ugly comrade that coaxes her good-looking but shy friend to enter the triangle of love, I'm sorry but it's science. So drain your brew, swallow your pride and get in there.

4. Concentration -- Now that two women have fallen into your booby trap of love, you are in the clear right? Oh boy, are you ever wrong. Let's get one thing straight, only a small percentage of men have the ability to dupe two women into going home with them. So, if you ever find yourself in a bedroom with two women it was most likely by their choice, and thus, you are their love slave. So lads, get ready for a long night of lockjaw and cramping hands because those women are going to use the hell out of you. But as wise men say, to the victor go the spoils. And after the many sessions of cunnilingus and skillful acts of dexterity, you will be rewarded with sweet, sweet sex. And it is here where all your hard work and sacrifice will culminate. I only ask one thing: please don't release your chi too quickly. It is bad enough to have one woman laugh in your face but two!!! I shiver at the mere thought. The shame and humiliation!

So take these guidelines to heart and use them wisely. I offer one last piece of advice: Treat the ladies with kindness and respect.

Article by:
Jack Steele

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